Thoughts from the Man Behind the Curtain- The LuLaHusband
I mean, let’s be totally honest here, I’m obviously the Great and Powerful Oz…wait, sorry, that’s not true; got going on the wrong monologue. Okay, what I meant was, “Holy crap it’s been a year and we’ve made it!” That may be coming on a little strong but screw it, let’s see where this goes…
So, it’s a year later, basically, and everything seems to be working out pretty well from when we first kicked off this LuLadventure. Oh God, she’s got me using cute puns…crap. On my last post, well, my last post officially authored by me, (Because I mean, come on, every one of those posts she’s put up in between have been edited and corrected or downright changed to be actually intelligible by me, so really they’re all mine, because…damn honey, your grammar sucks. Its vs it’s…there’s a freaking apostrophe woman!), we discussed the mindset of entering into this nightmare…I mean enjoyable experience, from the guy’s perspective. Truthfully, it boiled down to money and involvement. Clearly I lost on both counts, as you can tell, (A. She has an inventory and B. #KylesGotStyle) Why in the Hell did I ever agree to that?!? You know why? Because my wife knows me. Let me ‘splain…
Never, for the life of me, had I possessed any interest or semblance of fashion sense. Let’s be real, I thought the opened, button-up shirt over the solid undershirt look was the pinnacle of fashion in high school and college years. Yeah, go me. As you may or may not be aware, I am a very competitive person. Shocking, I know. Hell, there are some nights I am literally banned from board games with family because I get so into it. “What are you doing blocking my road expansion? That’s freaking bullshit. It is on Mom, this is war now. Freaking playing the game completely legally and by the book with a very smart move, how freaking dare you!?!” Fun right? They didn’t think so either. Anyway, what does this have to do with my original point? I’m getting there, slow your roll. So, I tell that little snippet of a story to set the background so that you know that I am one of those that absolutely has to do everything to win or be the best at something. I can’t stand losing or, as I in most cases call it, failing. Gets me ahead in a lot of things in life, for the most part. So when Francesca first approached me about putting outfits together, she initially asked if I would do it, and I immediately said no. Well, I believe my words were, “F*** no.” Pretty clear sentiment right? Anyway, after a few more failed attempts on her part to sway me, she finally found a way to make it a competition, and one that I could not help but try to win. (I feel I need to preface this right here and now, because I can already see the devil horns sprouting on her head thinking she now has the Top Secret Motivational file on me. If I absolutely do not want to do something, there is no force on Earth that will change my mind. Just ask literally anyone that knows me.) In this case, what was the harm? It’s not like I’m modeling them or even going live on them. Why not try and rock this? So I did, and the response was pretty overwhelming. So good in fact, I actually agreed to do it again, albeit several months later, but hey, whatever. Oh you should have seen me, I was in it to win it. Heidi Klum would have been proud. Pattern mixing, subtle color matching, bold mixes, you name it. If it didn’t elicit the wow factor upon first reveal to Francesca, I scratched it and tried again. Why was I so committed? Well, I had to win. And to win meant that it had to be something new, unique and ultimately, something that someone would want. Thus, my earlier point, my wife knows me.
Now, it has not all been roses and unicorns, well, technically, it was never that, ie. my wife’s entire theme, but still. I’m in sales, a bit obvious given the past description but so what, this is my post. As a salesman, especially one whose sole purpose is to establish and maintain relationships with hiring managers and such, and a self-admitted workaholic, I understand what it means to make yourself available at some pretty odd hours to close a deal or conduct an initial screening call with a candidate. So I get it when Francesca needs to make herself available to her clientele, AKA you all. But I learned pretty quickly, that life needs to come first, and no matter how hard you want to believe otherwise, that business message/email/text you just got does not command your immediate attention. Not quite sure what I mean? Let’s just say this is a constant battle in the Schwarz household. Whether it’s the car, the dinner table, insert random locale here, most of our conversations on this topic go something like this…
ME: Wow, looks like a (insert descriptive adjective here) day.
Francesca: … (Staring at phone with thumb moving about Mach 2 while replying to someone’s message/comment/random fucking thought of the day bubble, whatever.)
ME: Honey? Did you hear me?
Francesca: … (Hits Mach 3 with her thumb speed)
ME: Boy, sure do like our talks. We should buy a panda and name it McPandaFace.
Francesca: (Pauses as her thumb smokes while it cools from breaking the sound barrier) What?
ME: Put your God damn phone away!!!
There are a lot of things I could go on and on about, but I’ve already invested way too much time into this…haha, kidding, kidding, I love you all. (I have to say that, for legal reasons.) Maybe I’ll start keeping a journal of one-liners and scenarios and make that a blog post down the road. I have no doubt there have been some pretty good ones already. Anyway, have a great night, thanks for contributing to the Schwarz household finances and please continue to do so. Kyle out.
You can read more from Kyle, AKA Man Overboard, HERE.